I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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