I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
