a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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