even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
