4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
