$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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