I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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