Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
