Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she peed on how many people?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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