Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
