everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
