Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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