We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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