Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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