he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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