Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize