if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
