new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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