Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
