i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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