The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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