So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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