Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
