Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
