On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
