Have you finally orgasmed yet?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize