He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
