Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
