I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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