apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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