There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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