chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
