I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize