Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
