dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
