cat food counts as protein by the way
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
