i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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