I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
