so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You don't make any sense
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