You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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