So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
