Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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