matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
