dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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