Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
