i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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