we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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