i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
