That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
