If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
