I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
