It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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