found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
