He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Mom said you looked used
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize