he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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