god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
