Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
