Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
no, he came in my armpit
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize