i may or may not be watching the land before time
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
