i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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