WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
