Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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