Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
