She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
