So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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