This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
