Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
