dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
