pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
