I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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