Can Purell be used as lube?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
