Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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