do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize