Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
