If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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