Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
