you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
