I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
