the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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