i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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