Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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