A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
