Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
