i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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