the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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