Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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