I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
