That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
