i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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