They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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