She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
