they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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