my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
