remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
