So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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