So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
