Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Randomize
