we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
