their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
