Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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