Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I need to calm my uterus...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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