Buhtt sex?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
