Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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