there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
