Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
