she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
